I've been in a weird mood all day.
It was my family Christmas today, so all of my dad's side of the family came to our house to eat, be merry, etc, and for some reason, it's put me in a weird mood. Part of it could be that I am very tired, and haven't slept too much because I have gotten slightly addicted to a game I got for Christmas from my brother (SPORE!) and I play it until three in the morning. Another part is that I keep seeing couples! One of my cousins is married. Another one brought his girlfriend. Another one brought her boyfriend...blah blah blah.
I'm jealous
The point is, I felt happy to be around people I haven't seen in a year, but I felt lonely at the same time.
Here's where it all started.
My cousins do this thing called geocaching. Google it. It's awesome. So the whole geocaching thing led us to the park. On the way back we walked through town in the rain, so naturally I had an umbrella. Umbrella's always make me feel like I should be in the 1940s or something. Weird, I know. As we were walking down the street, we passed all the old apartment buildings/stores of downtown. These buildings always makes me think of black and white movies. Murder mysteries and old love stories. Old buildings bring out the movies' air of romance to me. It makes me think of the romantic moments in the movies. Where it wasn't about having sex, but instead about the first kiss. The first kiss in old movies is always the most romantic. There's that moment of tension, anticipation, nervousness right before the quintesential first kiss. It's a great feeling.
I know for a fact that feeling is so much better when the first kiss is with someone you truly like.
Moral: I want to feel that feeling again.
Hint: If it's the right person, you'll feel that way every time you kiss.
New Year's Resolution #1: Have a meaningful relationship with someone new.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Stranger
I have strange thoughts. A lot of them.
I played a game of "word association" the other day. Every time someone said a word, the first thing that would pop into my head was very odd. I won't go into specifics. The only point I want to make with that is, I have strange thoughts.
Whenever I am on a bus, or waiting for a bus, or just in a crowd of people that I don't know very well, I try to see how people react around one another. It's very interesting. Here's what goes on in my head, with a little added narration to help it make sense.
I sit down at the bench to wait for the bus to take me to my car. It's freezing out. Stupid winter. I hope my car starts. Why don't my headphones work? I look around. Ten people stand around waiting for the bus. A couple, standing close and talking. Very much in love. I'm jealous. He wraps his arms around her as she bounces up and down trying to stay warm. He smiles and kisses her forehead. I'm jealous. Another couple stands next to one another, her arm is linked on his. She looks around, unsure of what to do. He talks on his phone. I wonder whether or not they are fighting. I wonder why they are fighting. Maybe he lied to her, about where he was at. She does look protective of him. Maybe they both know that their relationship is over, but neither wants to admit it for reasons known only to them. He hangs up the phone and pulls her in for a hug like the other couple. Only, there is no forehead kiss, no signs that there is love in the relationship. At least they both look comfortable. Sitting next to me is a guy. He's probably 22. Yeah, I'll say 22. He's on listening to his I pod. I look at him. He looks up. I look away. I wonder why it feels taboo to look at someone when you don't know them. I didn't think he was attractive, I didn't want to date him. I just wanted to say hi, or smile or something, but I feel like I'll look stupid. Plus it would probably strike up a conversation, and I didn't want that. I waited a little bit before looking back at him. He was definitely in his own world. One that was narrated by the music he was listening to and consisted of the path he needed to take to get to where he was going. Nothing else. I had a teacher who told me once in class that kids these days always have a blank stare when they are walking. Simply because of their headphones. I make a promise to listen to nature more, and to smile to people when I walk by them.
I look left a little and see a group of three girls standing, huddling to keep warm. These girls are the type that annoy me. I bet they would annoy me even more if they were drunk. Why is it that when girls get drunk they think we care about everything they say? I don't care how drunk you are. Don't tell me. Also, if you have an annoying voice when you aren't drunk, it's louder and more annoying when you are drunk. "Oh my gawd, I'm so drunk, I should probably start taking off my clothes and hop into bed with the nearest loser who is waiting for me to start making out with them"
So these three girls are talking. Loudly. They are talking about how they can't believe that some girl slept with some guy, and how she's such a slut. Then they start taking about who they hooked up with last Saturday. I want to punch them. However, I am curious as to why they think one girl is a slut when they did the exact same thing as her, and why are they talking about it in a crowd of people. I think that's another thing "kids" do these days. They don't really have discretion. I'm sure these girls also have pictures of them selves doing kegstands topless.
The other two people standing have started talking. They probably have a class together, or had a class together, or are basically acquaintances. At any matter, the girl looks like she really doesn't want to talk to this boy, and the boy talks on as if he doesn't notice. I'm sure he doesn't. She leans away from him, shifts her weight, fidgets uncomfortably, constantly looks for the bus. All the signs that she doesn't want to talk to this person. He continues talking about some pointless story that he apparently finds completely funny. I bet she is going to leave, and either forget about the conversation or tell all of her friends what an idiot the boy is, making him her own personal joke. He is probably going to leave and be completely oblivious to the fact that she doesn't like him, and that he is the butt of her jokes. I bet he is a really nice guy, and she probably just doesn't give him a chance in hell. Unless he is a douche. He could be a douche. But I don't get that vibe. How many times a day do I act like that to some guy who is probably really and genuinely nice? More than I probably realize.
Oh, bus is here. I hate riding the bus, too many people. I can't watch them, they give me weird looks.
I wonder what people think of when they watch me?
I played a game of "word association" the other day. Every time someone said a word, the first thing that would pop into my head was very odd. I won't go into specifics. The only point I want to make with that is, I have strange thoughts.
Whenever I am on a bus, or waiting for a bus, or just in a crowd of people that I don't know very well, I try to see how people react around one another. It's very interesting. Here's what goes on in my head, with a little added narration to help it make sense.
I sit down at the bench to wait for the bus to take me to my car. It's freezing out. Stupid winter. I hope my car starts. Why don't my headphones work? I look around. Ten people stand around waiting for the bus. A couple, standing close and talking. Very much in love. I'm jealous. He wraps his arms around her as she bounces up and down trying to stay warm. He smiles and kisses her forehead. I'm jealous. Another couple stands next to one another, her arm is linked on his. She looks around, unsure of what to do. He talks on his phone. I wonder whether or not they are fighting. I wonder why they are fighting. Maybe he lied to her, about where he was at. She does look protective of him. Maybe they both know that their relationship is over, but neither wants to admit it for reasons known only to them. He hangs up the phone and pulls her in for a hug like the other couple. Only, there is no forehead kiss, no signs that there is love in the relationship. At least they both look comfortable. Sitting next to me is a guy. He's probably 22. Yeah, I'll say 22. He's on listening to his I pod. I look at him. He looks up. I look away. I wonder why it feels taboo to look at someone when you don't know them. I didn't think he was attractive, I didn't want to date him. I just wanted to say hi, or smile or something, but I feel like I'll look stupid. Plus it would probably strike up a conversation, and I didn't want that. I waited a little bit before looking back at him. He was definitely in his own world. One that was narrated by the music he was listening to and consisted of the path he needed to take to get to where he was going. Nothing else. I had a teacher who told me once in class that kids these days always have a blank stare when they are walking. Simply because of their headphones. I make a promise to listen to nature more, and to smile to people when I walk by them.
I look left a little and see a group of three girls standing, huddling to keep warm. These girls are the type that annoy me. I bet they would annoy me even more if they were drunk. Why is it that when girls get drunk they think we care about everything they say? I don't care how drunk you are. Don't tell me. Also, if you have an annoying voice when you aren't drunk, it's louder and more annoying when you are drunk. "Oh my gawd, I'm so drunk, I should probably start taking off my clothes and hop into bed with the nearest loser who is waiting for me to start making out with them"
So these three girls are talking. Loudly. They are talking about how they can't believe that some girl slept with some guy, and how she's such a slut. Then they start taking about who they hooked up with last Saturday. I want to punch them. However, I am curious as to why they think one girl is a slut when they did the exact same thing as her, and why are they talking about it in a crowd of people. I think that's another thing "kids" do these days. They don't really have discretion. I'm sure these girls also have pictures of them selves doing kegstands topless.
The other two people standing have started talking. They probably have a class together, or had a class together, or are basically acquaintances. At any matter, the girl looks like she really doesn't want to talk to this boy, and the boy talks on as if he doesn't notice. I'm sure he doesn't. She leans away from him, shifts her weight, fidgets uncomfortably, constantly looks for the bus. All the signs that she doesn't want to talk to this person. He continues talking about some pointless story that he apparently finds completely funny. I bet she is going to leave, and either forget about the conversation or tell all of her friends what an idiot the boy is, making him her own personal joke. He is probably going to leave and be completely oblivious to the fact that she doesn't like him, and that he is the butt of her jokes. I bet he is a really nice guy, and she probably just doesn't give him a chance in hell. Unless he is a douche. He could be a douche. But I don't get that vibe. How many times a day do I act like that to some guy who is probably really and genuinely nice? More than I probably realize.
Oh, bus is here. I hate riding the bus, too many people. I can't watch them, they give me weird looks.
I wonder what people think of when they watch me?
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